Maydays, Mexican standoffs and Mario coins

Posted on January 3, 2020

I can see the signs that my daughter, having been recently collected from Kindergarten is struggling. A crash is on the horizon. My son says ‘mayday mayday’ and cues the music- Elton John: Bennie and the jets!

Do you ever feel your child is 800% better behaved for everyone else except you?

I hear about all the beautiful qualities of my daughter, such as she is kind, thoughtful, caring and so quiet. I also see a kind, thoughtful and caring girl but one that is a LOUD, strong willed and a high spirited negotiator that could be an future lawyer or politician! One who organises our household, sings Frozen at the top of her lungs at 5am and makes a mean frog in the pond. I am sure many outside of my family wouldn’t believe me if I said that she stomps her feet and insists on chocolates and ice cream for tea! And when she gets served spaghetti bolognaise there will be an exchange for half an hour about how when she is a mother she will let her children eat anything they want (from a 4 year old).

I notice like a switch her behaviour changes for me compared when she is with her father, brother, grandparents and close friends. Within a short space of time I find the two of us in a Mexican standoff or an explosion of emotions of hurtful words, spiting, hitting, scratching, throwing and self destruction. I find myself scratching my head, firstly how things got so out of control so quickly even when I use every tool I have in the therapeutic parenting toolbelt and why is she behaving like this to one of the people who love her with every ounce of their being.

This can make me feel puzzled, upset and worried that I am not doing a good job as a parent.

I tell her constantly that she is my world and if only she fully understood the series of ‘miracles’ that brought us together as a family and that the middle name we gave her means ‘complete’. She completes our family beautifully.

And then if I am away from her for half an hour during exercise, she clings like a hawk.

I can’t even shower without her needing to hold my hand!

Rest assured – our child’s misbehaviour in front of us is not a bad sign. It is simply a sign that you have created a safe space for your child, where they feel comfortable and can express their natural emotions or needs.

The very fact that your child feels free to express himself in front of you is a sign that you’re doing something right. Keep up the communication channel between you and your child, so they can always be assured of your support and unconditional love.

When your child throws a particularly bad wobbly moment in front of you, see this as an opportunity to add to what my son calls the ‘Mario bank’.

A huge fan of Super Mario brothers, anytime you respond with warmth, compassion and send a message of ‘I am seeing you, and if this is your worst I still love you unconditionally’ adds to the bank of coins in your childs self confidence. However, if you send a different message then all those coins you have built up can bounce around and spread out in front of you.

Do you ever feel your child is 800% better behaved for everyone else except you? How does that make you feel?

Founder

Deborra-lee Furness is an internationally acclaimed actress as well as a passionate supporter of children and defender of their human rights across the globe. Deborra-lee’s humanitarian work for children is a driving force in her life.

It is her passion that children all over the world be given every chance to live a fulfilled life and achieve their full potential. As founder of National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM) and Adopt Change in Australia, Deborra-lee has been a driving force for improving adoption programs, procedures and legislation, and raising awareness and understanding of the issues of vulnerable children.

She is Patron of the Lighthouse Foundation for displaced children in Melbourne Australia; World Vision Ambassador, Patron of the Bone Marrow Donor Institute for children with leukemia; Patron of International Adoptive Families of Queensland; she sits on the board of World Wide Orphans Australia and is newly appointed on the board of the UN Women for Peace Association in New York. Deborra-lee has been honoured extensively both in Australia and internationally for her work to improve the wellbeing of vulnerable children.

For her advocacy work she has been honoured by World Wide Orphans in New York, The Joint Council USA and in 2013 was given the prestigious award of Angel in Adoption by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption in Washington DC. Harlem Village Academies honoured Deborra-lee and her husband Hugh for their philanthropy work in 2012. She was presented with 2014 International Humanitarian Award in Utah by Mentors International. She was named NSW Australian of the Year 2015. Also in 2015, Deborra-lee was honoured in Washington as Advocate of the Year by Kidsave.

Deborra-lee is the co-founder of the newly launched Hopeland organisation which is a US-based platform driving awareness around the issue of vulnerable children. The mission of Hopeland is to ensure children belong in loving families. Hopeland is about family strengthening and community empowerment and driving creative solutions for vulnerable and abandoned children globally.

Chief Executive Officer

Renée Leigh Carter is the CEO of Adopt Change and a passionate advocate for the well-being of children and young people, with a focus on children with an experience in the Australian child protection system.

Renee leads a team of Adopt Change Changemakers across a range of work nationally and operates the government-funded My Forever Family NSW program to recruit, support, train and advocate for carers (foster, kinship, guardian and adoptive) of children in care.

National activities include the annual #THRIVE National Permanency Conference; campaigns including ‘A Home for Every Child’ to find more homes and support; MyPacks first night backpacks for kids entering care; Empower Change for providing education support to children in care; along with engagement with community, government, child welfare sector; and is regularly sought to speak with media about child welfare, trauma-informed care, permanency and adoption.

Renee is a member of the National Foster & Kinship Care Collective, with CEO colleagues from Australian jurisdiction carer representative bodies.

Renée has held roles on advisory committees including as a member of the Institute Advisory Group for the independent research centre – Institute of Open Adoption Studies (The University of Sydney); various government and cross-sector advisory groups and taskforces; and was previously Vice Chair of NSW Committee on Adoption and Permanent Care (COAPC).

She is a member of Australian Institute of Company Directors, with a background in communications and executive management, along with board level experience in corporate and not-for-profit sectors. Her experience includes three years as Chair of charity Child Abuse Prevention Service (CAPS), an organisation focused on early intervention, education and support of families and communities; and Managing Director of corporate, investor and creative communications specialists Designate Group.

Renée is committed to influencing child welfare policy and practice for social impact – to bring about timely and effective outcomes for children so they can have better childhood experiences and a brighter future.

Journalist and TV Presenter

Celebrating over three decades at the network, Network 10’s Entertainment Editor Angela Bishop, has established herself as a prominent identity within the Australian and international entertainment media.

Angela’s reputation and credibility is such that she is often called upon by international broadcasters to report on events happening within Australia. Angela has reported on Michael Jackson’s Sydney wedding to Debbie Rowe, the wedding of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban and covered Princess Diana’s 1996 tour of Australia where she was invited to interview the Princess.

Her biggest interview to date was with Oprah Winfrey during her Ultimate Australian Adventure. She also scored a rare interview with Borat, the alter ego of comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, that went viral.

In 2014, Angela wrote and presented a behind the scenes look at hit comedy show Modern Family who were filming down under for a special holiday episode and in 2018, she was invited to The Bold and The Beautiful Los Angeles studios to reprise her role as JJ, who she first played when the show filmed in Australia.

Angela’s renowned work ethic, integrity and professionalism sees her regularly invited to interview the stars and creators of music, film and television all over the world. Her extensive list of celebrity interviews includes Audrey Hepburn, Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Drew Barrymore, Angelina Jolie, Susan Sarandon, Jack Nicholson, Daniel Craig, Cate Blanchett, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Robin Williams, Elton John, Rihanna, Britney Spears and Mick Jagger.

Angela can be seen covering the major red carpet events around the world including the Academy Awards, Golden Globes and Emmy Awards. She is also called upon by movie companies to host Australian premieres and media conferences.

Angela joined Network 10 as a general news reporter in 1989 and in 1994, she was appointed 10’s Entertainment Reporter. As well as filing stories for 10 News First, Angela regularly reported on Good Morning Australia with TV legend Bert Newton, and in 1998 became one of the founding cast members of The Panel.

Richard Rose

Director and Founder, TLSWi, United Kingdom

Richard Rose (U.K.) is the Director and Founder of Therapeutic Life Story Work International (TLSWi). TLSWi provides consultancy and training on Therapeutic Life Story Work and working with ‘hard to reach’ children and adolescents and develops academic training programmes in the UK and Internationally. TLSW is the only evidenced based Life Story Model in the World, TLSWi also is the professional body for Therapeutic Life Story Work and engages in research, supervision and professional development of all members.

Richard has worked with traumatised children and families since he was 17 years old, and in that time has been shaped by those he has journeyed with over the last 42 years. He qualified in Social Work in 1989 and since then worked in the UK in local authority child protection and from 1997 with the highly regarded residential therapeutic treatment agency SACCS, including four years as the Clinical Practice Director of the Mary Walsh Institute.

Throughout his career, Richard has worked with children and their families in out of home care and within birth family placements, with the aim of enabling these placements to become healthy and nurturing.

Richard is a regular visitor to Australia where he is an and an Adjunct Associate Professor of Social Work and Social Policy at La Trobe University, Melbourne and Honorary Associate of the Berry Street, Melbourne. He is a regular visitor to the USA, where he has presented for Portland State University, and currently for DHS Oregon and ORPARC (Adoption Services).

Richard is the author of The Child’s Own Story – Life Story Work with Traumatised Children (2004); Life Story Therapy with Traumatised Children – A Model for Practice (2012) and Innovative Therapeutic Life Story Work (2017). Chapters in publications such as Children in Care and various papers within University Press. His latest book on Relational Practice will be published in 2025 by Jessica Kingsley Publications.

In 2020 he founded Therapeutic Life Story Work International (TLSWi) and this has developed into a leading professional community that has members across the World. This year, Richard has launched THEiA (Trauma, Health and Education International Academy) and within this new academy he will be offering 1600 funded places a year in the UK and 1600 funded places internationally for carers to complete a new certificate programme based on the Rose Model of Therapeutic Care – The Care Excellence Programme. It is envisioned that this will be a 10-year programme in the UK and Internationally and train 32000 carers.

Workshop title
Communicating with Traumatised Children

Jason May

Bawamarra Cultural Services

I am a proud Wiradjuri man from the Binjang clan of Wellington, NSW. My early years were shaped by a deep connection to my culture, which grew into a profound respect and passion for learning and teaching cultural knowledge as I matured. Understanding the healing power of cultural connection became a cornerstone of my personal and professional journey, particularly in my early adult years.

Family is central to my life; I am a devoted husband and father of five beautiful children, or galin gabangbur. Being the best father, I can be is a guiding principle in everything I do.

My personal journey has been marked by significant challenges, including growing up in a household with physical, verbal, and psychological violence, substance abuse, and the trauma of sexual abuse. These experiences led me to a difficult path in my early adult years, struggling with issues like alcohol and sex addiction. However, at the age of 27, after separating from my older children’s mother, I began a journey of self-healing, growth, and recovery. This journey has been supported by regular therapy and a commitment to helping others who have faced similar challenges. My wife has been an incredible source of support and inspiration, helping me realize the importance of my Indigenous identity and the healing power of culture, purpose, and connection.

In 2022, I co-founded Bawamarra Cultural Services, an Indigenous-owned business dedicated to providing culturally centred, holistic, and therapeutic mentoring to children and youth, particularly those in out-of-home care (OOHC) and involved with the justice system. At Bawamarra, we believe that mentoring can have a transformative impact, not just on individuals but on communities as a whole. We offer a range of services, including cultural consultation, cultural supervision, and the development and delivery of tailored cultural awareness education packages. Our cultural immersion programs and workshops are designed to foster genuine cultural understanding and respect within workplaces and communities.

Our work at Bawamarra is rooted in the principles of Indigenous Social and Emotional Wellbeing (SEWB), integrating psychological expertise with Indigenous spirituality and lived experiences. In recognition of our innovative approach, Bawamarra Cultural Services proudly received the 2023 Innovate with NBN Co Australia Indigenous Business Award. We collaborate on academic projects aimed at enhancing SEWB outcomes for Indigenous children and youth in OOHC, working alongside esteemed professionals like Manisha Abayakoon-Stanborough and Debbie Haynes from the DCJ. We also receive ongoing support from Dr. Gordon Reid MP, which strengthens our impact and reach in the community.

My professional journey includes roles such as Cultural Educator and Mentor with Dhinewan Mentoring, various positions with the DCJ, including Indigenous Senior Project Officer, and an Environmental Health Officer with Central Coast Local Health District. Additionally, I founded the Central Coast Men’s Wellbeing Circle, a community support group that provides a safe space for men to engage in open and honest discussions about their challenges. My commitment to improving mental health and wellbeing, particularly among men, is a driving force in my life.

Sport and exercise are also passions of mine. I have a long-standing involvement in Rugby League, both as a player and a coach, and I make regular time for exercise to maintain my physical and mental wellbeing.

Today, I am dedicated to fostering reconciliation, building bridges of understanding and respect, and supporting the social and emotional wellbeing of all individuals. Through Bawamarra Cultural Services and my personal initiatives, I strive to create a future where cultural diversity is celebrated, and all voices are heard and valued.

Presentation title
Bawamarra Cultural Services: Fostering Healing and Growth Through the Buwanha Mentoring Program

Fiona Endacott

Chief Executive Officer, Connecting Foster & Kinship Carers – SA Inc

Fiona Endacott is the Chief Executive Officer of Connecting Foster & Kinship Carers SA (CF&KC-SA), where she leads the organisation’s mission to support and advocate for foster and kinship carers across South Australia. With a deep commitment to child protection and community service, Fiona has dedicated her career to improving the lives of vulnerable children and the families who care for them.

With over 15 years of experience in the not-for-profit sector, Fiona has developed a reputation for her strategic leadership, innovative thinking, and passionate advocacy. Fiona has worked in areas spanning drug & alcohol, mental health and most recently child protection at the peak body CF&KC-SA. Under her leadership, CF&KC-SA has expanded its reach and influence, ensuring that the voices of foster and kinship carers are heard at both state and national levels.

Fiona’s approach to leadership is grounded in collaboration, empathy, and a deep understanding of the complexities of the child protection system. She is a strong advocate for policy reform and has been instrumental in driving initiatives that address systemic issues affecting carers and the children in their care. Fiona is dedicated to addressing the issue of financial security as a gendered issue for foster and kinship carers, working to shift the policy, practice and legislation to support volunteer Carers to provide care safely with dignity and respect.

A skilled communicator and strategist, Fiona is frequently sought after as a speaker and advisor on matters related to child protection, foster care, and community services. Her insights into the challenges and opportunities within the sector have made her a respected figure among policymakers, practitioners, and carers alike.

Fiona holds a strong commitment to building a supportive and resilient community for foster and kinship carers, ensuring they have the resources, training, and recognition they deserve. Her work continues to make a profound impact on the lives of many, contributing to a more just and compassionate society.

Title of talk
The National State of Foster & Kinship Care – panel of representative body CEO’s

Renée Leigh Carter

CEO, Adopt Change

Renee is a member of the National Foster & Kinship Care Collective, with CEO colleagues from Australian jurisdiction carer representative bodies.

Chris Braddock

State Program and Engagement Coordinator NSW/ACT, CREATE Foundation

Chris is an experienced youth worker based in Sydney, Australia. Chris has diverse experience within both the Out-Of-Home Care (OOHC) and Youth Justice sectors across New South Wales, ACT, and Central Australia. Chris’ experience has had particular focus on participatory practice, program development and youth engagement. As the State Program and Engagement Coordinator for NSW and ACT, Chris leads the programmatic work and engagement of CREATE’s NSW and ACT teams. Current programs and advocacy have had particular focus on education, transition supports, and imbedding young person led participation within system reform and practice. Chris’ passion lies within participatory and strengths-based practice and believes that children and young people with lived experience are the experts best placed to lead positive and sustainable change within the OOHC system.

Presentation title
CREATE’s approach to developing practice advice for government and sector agencies co-designed by young people with an experience of the system.

Using a case study of a project facilitated by CREATE in NSW, the presentation will highlight how policy advice is crafted through direct consultation with young people. The case study, focusing on a recent Ministerial Roundtable in NSW, will illustrate how young people shaped the foundation of the project and will explore various consultation methods used during data collection. Special attention will be given to the role of young consultants from CREATE, demonstrating how the guide’s structure and consultation sessions can be made child-friendly and culturally safe. The results of this initiative include clear guidance and creative solutions for specific improvements to residential care to be applied in practice. This aligns closely with the theme of this year’s THRIVE Summit, emphasising the importance of evidence-based policy recommendations and listening to the voices of young people. By presenting practical insights into effective collaboration models, this presentation aims to contribute meaningfully to ongoing system reform efforts in child protection, elevating the vital role young people’s voices play in improving outcomes for children and young people in care.

Founder and CEO of Worldwide Orphans Foundation

Dr. Jane Aronson was born in Brooklyn in 1951 and grew up on Long Island. She attended Hunter College in New York City and taught school for ten years.

At thirty-one, she fulfilled her life’s dream to become a physician and entered medical school. She graduated from the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey in 1986 and did a pediatric residency and chief residency in New Jersey, followed by a fellowship in Pediatric Infectious Diseases at Columbia Presbyterian /Babies Hospital in New York City. Between 1992 and 2000, she was the Chief of Pediatric Infectious Diseases and Director of the International Adoption Medical Consultation Services at Winthrop-University Hospital in Mineola, New York.

Since July 2000, Dr. Aronson has been in private practice as Director of International Pediatric Health Services, in New York City. She is Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University and has evaluated well over 4,000 children adopted from abroad as an adoption medicine specialist; she has traveled to orphanages in Russia, Romania, Bulgaria, China, Vietnam, Ethiopia, and Latin America.

Since 1997, she has conducted research and provided education in orphanages abroad through her 501(3) (c) foundation, Worldwide Orphans Foundation (WWO). WWO documents the medical and developmental conditions of children living in orphanages abroad in order to identify their immediate healthcare needs and to advocate for their well-being through the Orphan Ranger Program. This program acts as a “peace corps” for orphanages by commissioning university students and healthcare professionals to live and work in orphanages. They are proficient in the native tongue and work in conjunction with staff to improve the nutritional and emotional health of abandoned children. Since 1997, Dr. Aronson has funded Orphan Rangers in Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Bulgaria, India, Ecuador, Viet Nam, China, Serbia, Montenegro, and Ethiopia. WWO has been granted NGO status in Viet Nam and Ethiopia and has embarked on training programs for physicians in both countries to care for HIV-infected orphans.WWO currently treats orphans with HIV/AIDS in both countries.

She has been featured in many newspapers and magazines, such as The New Yorker on July 17, 2000, People on November 12, 2001, May 2, 2005, August 1, 2005, and most recently, November 7, 2005; other features were in The NewYork Times in Jane Brody’s Science Times/Personal Health column on July 22, 2003 and then Jill Brooke’s feature on adoption and home design on July 22, 2004. She is a recipient of the Congressional Angel of Adoption Award in September 2000. She is the adoptive mom of two sweet boys, Ben, from Viet Nam and Desalegn, from Ethiopia.

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Deborra-lee Furness

Renée Leigh Carter

Alfre Woodard

Nicole Warne

Nia Vardalos

Jack Thompson

Lisa Sthalekar

Meg Ryan

Marie Osmond

Daniella Park

John O’Neill

Mark Nixon

Brad Murphy

Dr Shellie Morris

Catherine McDonnell

Mariska Hargitay

Hugh Jackman

Emily Hikaiti

Sandra Sully

Anne King

Ellia Green

Louise Ransome

Phoebe Garland

Zufi Emerson

Sallianne Deckert

Helen McCabe

Anna Cleary

Joe Hildebrand

Tom Imbesi

Bianca Dye

Dr. Tom Bourdon

Latika Bourke

Joel de Carteret

Jonah Bobongie

Melissa Doyle

Victoria Buchan

Eric Bailey

Angela Bishop

Maree Walk

Marly Wells

Lachlan Hobman

Dr Elspeth Stephenson

Lainie Terbogt

Bryan Smith

George Elisara

Ursula Elisara

Richard Rose

Joel de Carteret

Zufi Emerson

Loren Dumbrell

Michelle Stacpoole

Zahra Shire

Melissa Pritchard

Anjali Prabhu

Mary Paul

Dawyte Hart-O’Neill

Steve Kinmond OAM

Dr Robyn McCarthy

Jason May

Amanda Purvis

Damon Martin

Julie Hourigan

Julia Horton

Samantha Hauge

Felicity Graham

Fiona Endacott

Emily Hikaiti

Kathryn Eberly

Dr Milissa Deitz

Ellia Green OAM

Belinda Coleman

Renée Leigh Carter

Chris Braddock

Professor Stacy Blythe RN Phd

Dr Jane Aronson

Leisa Bennett

Kate Beasley

Sue Trembath

Zoë Robinson